 |
There are no secrets
that time does not reveal
and no wounds
that it can not heal. |
His deep blue eyes filled with tears that were ready to explode. His little fingers were tightly curled in the form of fist. His white skin was red with anger. Anybody could say he was trying hard not to cry.
"I am a big boy. I won't cry." With this he suddenly turned back and ran with all his might. He opened the door hastly and searched frantically for someone. He saw a silhouette in the kitchen and ran to it. He hugged the figure clad in saree on her legs and said,
"Momma, they teased me again. They bullied me and said the same things. But I did not cry today. I am a big boy." There was a touch of pride in his voice.
She bent down, hugged him and said with a quivering voice,
"Yes my son, you are a big boy now. I am so proud of you."
His eyes gleamed with pride. He felt a little less hurt now.He doted her mother and she doted him back. He smiled, turned back and went into his room. She looked at him with tears in her eyes and wondered how long she will be able to hide the secret from him.
He has been quite independent in comparison to kids of his own age. He was just 7, he bathed on his own, got dressed on his own and even packed his own school bag. When he was ready, he looked at the photo frame on the table that carried the picture of his father. He looked at him sadly. He then took the photo frame, looked at it, looked at himself in the mirror and looked at him again, shrugged, kissed the frame good bye and ran out for his school.
*********
He is now 13 and had now grown up to be a handsome and intelligent young man. Now even he began to notice what the other kids used to tease him about. He doesn't resemble any of his parents. Though he hardly remember his father who had passed away when he was just 5. But from the pictures he knows he doesn't look even an inch like him and he definitely looked very different from his mother. He wanted to ask but never could bring out the question. He loved his mother very much and was afraid he would hurt her. He waited for the right time to know the secret of his looks.
********
He was now employed in a huge firm. He had been told his features are very similar to the owner of the firm. He, till now, hadn't had a chance to meet the ultimate man. His recruitment, trainings and everything else had been handled by his team of professionals. One fine morning when he came to office there was a big buzz. Everyone seemed charged up and busy. Whole office was running around.
"Whats with everyone today." He asked one of his colleagues.
"Boss is paying a visit today."
For some reasons he felt a shiver run down his spine. The man himself was going to be here. he wanted to make a good impression.
He knocked on the door jittery.
"Come in." A firm authoritative voice said.
When he entered, he stood transfixed, shocked. it seemed like he was looking at an older himself. Apart from the color of eyes and the sharp nose, the person standing in front of him was an exact replica of his, almost.
"Devesh", the man dressed in crisp black business suit said in a tone of question. His voice felt like even he was just out of the shock of their resemblance.
"Yes sir." He said in a trembling tone.
"Come, sit. I have heard a ot about you and I have been wanting to see you for a long time."
Voice betrayed his throat. He could only manage shaking his head. Sensing his discomfort he offered him a glass of water. Devesh moved his head in gesture of no.
"You remind me of young me. You just have a sharper nose and blue eyes. If I had a son, he would have looked exactly ike you."
"I guess so sir."
"Devesh, tell me about you and your family."
He then began to narrate his life, about his family, his mother, his father. His boss kept questioning him and he kept answering.
"Sir, if you don't mind, may I ask you something?"
"Sure, go ahead."
"You said if I had a son...I presume you don't have a son."
"I don't have a child. I am not married."
Devesh wanted to ask why but was afraid of getting too personal. After all it was his first meeting. Sensing his question he answered himself.
"I am not married. I loved a woman when I was much younger. She married someone else. So, that was the end of the story."
They talked a little more. By the time their conversation ended, they both had become fond of each other.
After the meeting he was not able to concentrate on anything else. His head was spinning from all the information that his boss loved a woman who married someone else and he looked exactly like his boss's son would have looked. He felt sick with the connection this all was making. His heart wasn't ready to believe but his mind calculated that his mother had an affair and there are chances his boss was his father.
Days passed, but he had no idea how to breach the subject with his mother. He decided to look for something, anything that could take him a step closer to the truth or give him enough confidence to question his mother. Everyday, when he had the chance he would go through his mother's things, hoping to find a letter or a picture of his biological father, but in vain. Day by day, when all his efforts were failing, he started feeling depressed. His mother tried to talk but he blindsided her with the excuse of workload. He now began to doubt his theory. He started believing that it was a sheer coincidence that he looked more like his boss than his parents.
One day when he was going through the things of his father, just hoping to find peace or a proof that would tell him that he was wrong, he found some papers that looked like medical reports. He quickly rummaged through it. But what he found made his heart skip beats. The report was dated before their parent's marriage and said that the man, his said father, lost his capacity of fathering a child in an accident.
Devesh kept staring at the report. His heart sank. His worst fears have come true. His mother was coquette after all. She did cheat on her husband and her son along with the entire families of both. His fist closed. He was blinded by his anger. He had no idea what to do. He went out.
When he came home late night, he was drunk, he saw his mother was talking to someone over phone. He couldn't hear anything. He stomped to her, snatched the phone off her hand and said in a rude sarcastic tone'
"Been talking to another boyfriend haan?"
She looked at him in amusement and confusion.
"Devesh, you are drunk?"
"Yes, I am."
"But you never drink. Why, why did you drink? If you have a problem, if something is troubling you you can tell me." She tried to console him lovingly.
He pushed her away.
"You can cheat on your husband. And I can't even drink."
She was thoroughly confused now.
" There has to be a misunderstanding my child..."
"No", He shouted even before she could finish, "I know, your husband wasn't my father." And he threw those papers on his face.
She looked horrified. He walked unsteadily to his room. She went after him to talk but he banged the door on his face. She sat there and sobbed. The ring of the phone startled her. She picked it up.
"Hello."
"I have heard everything. The time has come to reveal the secret." Said the voice from the other end.
**********
Next morning when Devesh woke up, he had the mother of all hangovers. He had never touched alcohol in his entire life but last night that seemed be the only way out to him.As his head cleared, he remembered the incident from last night. He felt both angry and guilty. He opened the door and peeped outside to avoid his mother, who was to be seen nowhere. He went to kitchen to make a strong coffee for himself. It was then he saw someone in the kitchen, his grandmother.
"Grandma." He squealed with delight. He was very close to his grandmother. While his mother was busy mourning and trying to keep things together, it was his grandmother who took care of him. She used to pay them often visits, which reduced gradually. He was glad she was here. he needed someone to talk and bare his troubled soul to.
She offered him coffee. He was surprised how did she know he came looking for coffee.
"How did you know?"
"I know a lot of things."
His eyes widened in surprise. She smiled.
"I know what you did last night."
"How.."
"It was me on the phone."
He was even more surprised. he had no idea what to say.
"So, tell me everything from where it started."
He stared at the floor, took some time and began telling the story. Slowly, nervously he talked and his grandmother listened. When he was done she was quite for a while.
"So, you think she has cheated on your father."
"He wasn't my father."
"Biologically, no. But he was your father in every other way."
"So, you knew."
"Yes, How could I have not. He was my son."
"So you know mom cheated on him."
"No, she didn't."
He looked at hr in awe. He wanted to say something but nothing came out. His grandmother sighed and said.
"It's time you I tell you everything. I have known your mother since she was a little girl. I was her mother's best friend. She has always been sincere, honest and loyal kind. It happened when she was just 22. She was a beautiful girl and she was sincere and determined to make a career. She worked hard, going college and she took tuitions to earn some money to help her father. It was a late winter evening. It was long past the time since she was usually home. We were al worried. We tried looking for her everywhere but to no avail. It was past midnight and we were thinking over what to do next when she came home. She held the door and fell down. Her clothes were torn. There were nasty bleeding scars on her flesh. When we tried to pull her up and bring her inside. She jumped away screaming and terrified. It took us three hours to clean her up, apply ointments and take her to bed. The reason why you don't look like your mother and why she never told you about your father was because she herself don't know. She was gang raped that night any of them could have been your father."
He gasped in pain, in realization of what he has done.
"We never filed a report for obvious social reasons. Your mother was more like a corpse for a long time. She never said a word, she never ate or let anyone come near her. She always stared at the blank. One day she vomited furiously and fainted. Doctor confirmed our deepest fear. She was pregnant. With you. When she heard the news, for the first time in weeks we noticed the flash of life in her eyes. Unconsciously she covered her stomach with her hands as if shielding it from the world. She started eating. The pregnancy brought out the life in her. We wanted her to abort. After all it was a rape child. She had a long life ahead of her. With a child born of unwed mother and that too raped, all her chances of getting married was lost. But she fought everyone. She wanted to keep you. You were her child. She was even determined to spend her life in solitary, just to have you. By that time my son had been through a tremendous accident and he lost his ability of fathering a child. To save all the three lives, I decided to get them both married. They both knew about each other and respected the decision. They both swore to keep each other's secret, aong with me. And now, you know it."
A long silence followed. She gave him the time to absorb everything and he pondered over all the facts. it was so much for him.
"But I resemble my boss so much. What about that?" He asked his last doubt.
"Coincidence in the answer my child."
His head was much clearer now. Now that he had all his answers, he had no doubt what he was supposed to do next. With teary eyes and heavy heart he walked towards his mother's room.
